Hi there! Glad you found me. Some of you may know that my life is no bed of roses but in amidst the tragedy there are truly beautiful moments. I've wanted to make the best of those moments for so long, and to help me I've decided to journey back and explore what makes me feel, think and behave the way I do. Hopefully I'll begin to understand more about me and begin to find more peace

This isn't a challenge blog but if you fancy joining me on my journaling journey, I'll leave a linky so you can post your thoughts.

Here's wishing you special moments in time

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

Bad blood

Went haywire with my dylusion inks yesterday and thought it looked like blood. Of course the only thing I have that can bleed so much is my broken heart, thus the page evolved and gave me a rest from the heartache for a couple of hours

Still wish I could make my drawings look real but I'm enjoying it anyway.

Today sees me discharged from hospital and on my way home. When I left home to come here I had my, my son my lover and a life. Now I go back home to an empty house and an empty life. Now the work begins! Ow I have to build a life for myself and make it one where I can feel joy! Got a plan but. It sure I've got the strength to see it through.
Wish me luck
X Michelle

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

He loves me, he loves me not

Thought I'd spend a few hours drawing last night and managed to cobble a page together

I'm really enjoying drawing and whilst I'll never be an artist I think I'm improving a bit. This time I was brave enough to draw straight onto the page, the face first then I covered the whole of the background with journaling, then inked on top of the journaling and continued with the background design.

I can't even remember what I wrote but scribbling it through my tears last night was a release of sorts and I'm pleased with the results.

X Michelle

Friday, 18 April 2014

Free fall

I was looking through my journal yesterday and noticed that the pages were all very controlled so today I thought I'd go into free fall and see what happened. I started off spraying some of Dyan Reavley's ink sprays onto a page then closing the book to make a butterfly print, just look what happened!

Next I cut out some figures from a magazine and used them to draw round onto black paper to create a couple of silhouettes, and before sticking them down splodged some gesso straight onto the page behind one of the figures. When it was dry I stuck the silhouettes in place and splodged more gesso through sequin waste and using the lids off the pots etc. then came the hard part, I very quickly scribbled the leaves and flowers and wrote the peom. A little gel pen to highlight and my 'free' page was finished.

What do you reckon? Does it pass muster?
Now stop sniggering you lot, it's not that bad!
X Michelle

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Three little birds

This page has been sitting on my desk for a week or more as I've not been able to think of any text for it. Now I've just decided it doesn't need anything until the right words hit me and that's when it'll be done.

I've used the Imagination Crafts Stencil which I have then zentangled over and added the little birdies and more doodling, and as the challenge for this month at imagination crafts is anything goes this'll fit the bill nicely!

There's also £40 worth of goodies as a prize so here goes and fingers crossed.

Thanks for such fantastic comments and your love and support
X Michelle

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Butterfly Babe

On Sunday I watched the first film I've been able to concentrate on in a long time. I saw the first hunger games some while back and thought I'd keep the second film to watch whilst I was on home leave.

I was enthralled! Not by the film (although that was good) but by the costumes. One costume particularly caught my eye and inspired a journal page I started when I go back to the hospital on Sunday evening.

I thought it looked ok until I found a picture of the actual costume on the net.

All I can say is that it is the same colour!

Still I have been working hard at not expecting too much of myself and I was absorbed in the creation of the page, which in itself is a good thing.

I had a good start to the day today, I took myself off to art from the heart to collect the next sets of distress ink minis plus a few other bits that 'fell' into my basket, then sat outside and had a lovely latte whilst sitting in the sun.

This evening though I feel pretty bad. Probably because I'm too tired to keep myself busy and too achy to sit and craft. Oh woe is me!!!!

Time to stop feeing sorry for myself and set about putting plans into action! Got exciting new things to come - watch this space

In the meantime sleep well, tomorrow is another day
X Michelle

Monday, 14 April 2014

A little birdie told me!

I thought I'd try my hand at drawing a few different birds whilst I was on home leave over the weekend, big mistake! This is about the fourth attempt and it too would have been forcibly propelled into the bin if I had not given up on the idea of drawing at all!

I don't suppose it is so bad but I'm getting frustrated with this drawing lark when I can't draw what's in my head! Still if my head is full of things that need drawing, there is little room left for descending into madness - honest!

That said, my weekend at home was ok. There were times when the urge to end it all became almost too much to bear and that part was a fight all weekend. In contrast I LOVED being able to do whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it! I ran out of ink for the printer in the early hours on Saturday morning and just got into the car, drove the 10 miles to the nearest supermarket and drove back home again. A quick snooze and a cuppa later, and I was able to carry on printing and crafting.

I also LOVED my memory foam mattress and down duvet and thoroughly enjoyed the warmth and comfort of it! Had a lovely visit from my brother and watched a film with my son and his girlfriend.

So on the whole I think it was a positive weekend and the forecast for this week could be mainly dry with occasional sunshine in the north with the odd spot of rain falling down the face throughout the week.
Hope you have a sunshiny week
X Michelle

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Can I see clearly now?

I pinched this picture from a magazine in the hospital waiting room whilst I was waiting to see how Alan was. He had another heart attack a couple of weeks ago so a I had to hot tail it from my hospital bed to his. I had plenty of time to flick through all the magazines in the room and was struck by this image. It fits this quote from Anne Franke perfectly! How can a girl so young have such insight into the human condition?

The background was done by inking through a stencil onto the white paper, drawing round the stencil to define the edges a little then lightly inking over again. After stamping the water droplets I stuck the picture down and pencilled the lowlights behind. The addition of glossy accents and a little journalling and the page was finished. A page I particularly like too. It's good when you gain pleasure from something you've created and can ignore the faults in it.

Yesterday was a good day all round. I met up with Liam at Bolton Abbey and we spent a couple of hours wandering about near where I was brought up then came back to the hospital and had a really good crafty session. For the first time in many many months I felt like a real person living a real life.

I've come down with a bump though because along with feeling real comes the knowledge of how ill I've been for so long. I just feel I've been living an absolute nightmare that I can't crawl away from.

Still tomorrow's another day!
Sleep tight
X Michelle

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Everything's coming up roses!

Yesterday I fancied having a go at drawing something other than People so thought I'd try drawing a rose. Usually I try to be very precise but just for once, I thought I'd use a pen straight off and be as free as I could. Very uncomfortable for me. Of course after drawing the rose I had to draw the lady to go with it.

Been a bit better over the last couple of days but still the fight goes on. I think I've probably grasped enough thorns by now though.

Hope you're enjoying you week
X Michelle