Hi there! Glad you found me. Some of you may know that my life is no bed of roses but in amidst the tragedy there are truly beautiful moments. I've wanted to make the best of those moments for so long, and to help me I've decided to journey back and explore what makes me feel, think and behave the way I do. Hopefully I'll begin to understand more about me and begin to find more peace

This isn't a challenge blog but if you fancy joining me on my journaling journey, I'll leave a linky so you can post your thoughts.

Here's wishing you special moments in time

Saturday, 1 March 2014

It's been a long time!

I guess the time since my last post on this blog has been heading towards today so been travelling this road to despair for some while.
Today I find myself in a psychiatric hospital room, researching ways to commit suicide on my phone half the time and trying desperately to find a way forward for the other half.
I've not been able to craft for a while but have brought some crafting stuff with me and find I want to start journaling again, so here's my craft desk and limited stash where I aim to make a start.

In truth I started yesterday but only had a few pastels a pencil and a printed colouring page supplied by the hospital for patients to colour! Yeh I know, this really is an adult ward!

Thanks to Gezzy B I've managed to draw this wee girl and in doing so gained a short respite from the ache in my heart!

Last May I was involved in a fatal car accident, the shock of which launched me into patterns of behaviour I thought I'd laid to rest many moons ago. I became indirect, manipulative, hostile etc and really didn't know I was doing it. As a result I have lost friends, relatives and a man I love as I have never loved before.

So here I am, trying to sort out such heart rending problems, not knowing if I've the strength to carry on. Almost every minute of my life has been a battle and now I'm tired.
Time to rest.

I know for some of you this might be too frank and up front but you have the choice not to read. If you do choose to read, don't judge too harshly, what you see here is just a peep into the life and death battle of a co-dependent mother, wife and lover.

3 comments:

Stephanie said...

Michelle, God be with you on your journey. You did a lovely job on the drawing.

Kate M said...

I have never been privy to such deep innermost thoughts and cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. Your picture is so pretty, you are very talented, do continue with your journalling.
God Bless.
xx

Virginia said...

Ah hun, I'm just looking back at your last few posts as I wasn't linked into this blog. I'm sat here a little on the teary side it has to be said. I have no idea of what you've gone through, the heartache and the suffering you are going through, but journalling will help. Your art is beautiful as always, you are an amazing woman and don't ever forget that, take your time to be truly kind to yourself, sending you the biggest biggest cyber hugs you can imagine. Much love