I guess the time since my last post on this blog has been heading towards today so been travelling this road to despair for some while.
Today I find myself in a psychiatric hospital room, researching ways to commit suicide on my phone half the time and trying desperately to find a way forward for the other half.
I've not been able to craft for a while but have brought some crafting stuff with me and find I want to start journaling again, so here's my craft desk and limited stash where I aim to make a start.
In truth I started yesterday but only had a few pastels a pencil and a printed colouring page supplied by the hospital for patients to colour! Yeh I know, this really is an adult ward!
Thanks to Gezzy B I've managed to draw this wee girl and in doing so gained a short respite from the ache in my heart!
Last May I was involved in a fatal car accident, the shock of which launched me into patterns of behaviour I thought I'd laid to rest many moons ago. I became indirect, manipulative, hostile etc and really didn't know I was doing it. As a result I have lost friends, relatives and a man I love as I have never loved before.
So here I am, trying to sort out such heart rending problems, not knowing if I've the strength to carry on. Almost every minute of my life has been a battle and now I'm tired.
Time to rest.
I know for some of you this might be too frank and up front but you have the choice not to read. If you do choose to read, don't judge too harshly, what you see here is just a peep into the life and death battle of a co-dependent mother, wife and lover.